The elasticity of relationships!

The equation of life doesnt come simpler than this! Last Friday, in an Economics session - I learnt this - in as many words - "the elasticity of supply and demand".

Simply put, it means eat as much as you are hungry and when you consume just the right moment, you will have that indicator! Its called Belch point!

Over the week, I was all alone at home, family was in Mumbai. Reminded me of the "Robinson Crusoe" days in Bangalore and London - using only a part of the apartment - with yummy food from the "home delivery" route! The period of solitary refinement also helped think about my college days - when there was an era of friendship, fights and festivity-less breakups! I am not talking only about myself. Its also a story of a good group of friends and not so good friends around me in college! Observing most of them - from a distance - one could have an unbiased opinion of what was going wrong, what was going right and what was simply not even taking the name of going!

Typical trends of an economic cycle include the initial phase of growth with increasing growth rates. This corresponds to the new found interest and energy levels, when we meet someone special or potentially special! We get to know them well, it ofcourse take time to finely present mainly our "pure positive" side to him/her. It can be said that during this phase - we hardly get angry or impatient - even if it meant waiting endlessly in the rain for the dude to turn up!

Then comes the period of growth with decreasing growth rates. This is economics. In life, we slowly tend to have got a complete perspective of the individual in question and we are forming our opinions on where we want to take this. Its not anyone's fault that this phase tends to be the way it is! Lets safely blame the economics theory for it!

Then comes the third and most important phase - growth is at zero percent or tending to zero percent! Voila - we are at the decision point! Its either a make or a break, at this phase! From this point on, either it can be a period of indecision or status quo - in the relationship - no one wants to take the last move - or - the decision is made and its time to wrap up!

In all this fun and frolic, in a typical economic model, everything is measured in Dollars, Euros and Pesos! In real life, we measure this whole experience in terms of smiles, tears and utter pathos!

Enter the Theory of Elasticity!

What does this say - this says if the price of a product is increased or decreased, there is a definite impact on the supply or demand of the product! (Let me spare you the pain of going further on this!)

So, if for example, there is a certain relationship in consideration. Lets say - father and son! If there is a specific decrease in the time, importance or quality of experience by the son, as the father is extremely busy on a given week, there is an immediate impact seen in the behavioural pattern of the son! That would be: unable to cope with the change initially, but gradually getting impatient, upset and angry with poor busy dad. (Being a dad isnt an easy job, let me tell you!) So what happens effectively is that - the elasticity of relationship has an direct proportion between the experience of the son and the time spent by the father!

Lets take the ever green example of two individuals in college! Raj wants to be good friends with Revathi! Raj is putting in a lot of time and importance but nothing really seems to be clicking! Plotted on a supply/demand curve, this would a case of supply being more than the demand in question. Hence it seems like Raj is overdoing it or in extreme cases, even seen as stalking the poor gal! The more he does it, the further away Revathi would go! Though good at heart, he is poor in Economics and hence cant get the Belchpoint right!

Applying a touch of Indian Cinema here, instead of products "ice-cream" and "cinema tickets", there is increase in "wine" and "whiskey". This impact of decrease in demand for one product influencing the demand for another product - is called "cross elasticity of products"

To make it interesting, lets take a different pair now - Priya and Prakash while the context remains the same! Priya is interested in being friends with Prakash but has a certain level of demand - Prakash doesnt meet it, either in terms of the quality of experience or time! What happens here is that the elasticity is inversely proportional, because you just dont know whats the upper limit! You are always on first gear in a F1 race! The slower you are, the bigger the task of catching up in the race, leaving alone winning!

There are a lot of exceptions in this elasticity theory! The most prominent one being, George (on debut) wanting to be friends with a Miss College XYZ - Sherry! (I should stop watching Indian movies!) Leave alone the money factor - what is more important to note is that George will want to do all that is needed, irrespective of quantity of time or the importance Sherry attaches to him! This kind of blind "impractical" approach is called "Perfectly Inelastic Demand" - in Economics. No matter, if she meets him or even knows him - George's committment and interest remain absolutely intact!

Dont want to write a book on this, do I?! Its also getting too late in the nite!

Be it any relationship - with a friend/parent/neighbour/stranger - and "money and social status" remaining constant - the first and foremost step is to understand the demand curve and the supply curve and find the belchpoint! Demand curve being the emotional expectations of your target partner and Supply curve being the energy and effort you invest into the relationship.

Once you know what the belchpoint is, it becomes very easy to evaluate, what it takes to get the attention 100%. From then on, its a simple case of maintaining the effort and energy at the same levels or working it out - depending on the elasticity!

Simple, scientific and hopefully succint! This economics crash course should help you analyse your relationships, using basic graph skills (remember your 6th Std. Maths Teacher who always gave a 10 mark problem for graphs) and mathematical analysis of where you want to take it!! If you still dont make considerable progress - its absolutely inexorable! I wonder if there should be a subject on "Applied Economics" in schools - well lets keep that topic for another weekend!

Silence at Frankfurt!

It was a cold windy day in January 2009. Germany was experiencing its normal quota of excess winter weather conditions and the temperatures are freezing.

Frankfurt Airport Terminal 1.

7:21 AM

Raghav just finished checking in his luggage. He was booked on a Lufthansa flight to Chicago. As is routine in his Sales Development job at Google, he has to regularly fly to meet potential customers all over the world. In tune with the hectic travel schedules, Raghav has always been a true Indian IT professional - he always keeps work first and family next :)

Nearly 12 hours ago, he was bidding farewell to his wife and son in Chennai. Nothing dramatically emotional at the airport, it was only a short visit of a few days! Couple of visits from the Sun and the Moon would ensure that he returned back home.

Waiting at gate 32, he was left all to himself. No one to talk to, no topic to think of.

There was an hour to kill. The flight to Chicago was delayed because of the bad weather. 

"A brief stroll in the terminal - some window shopping" or "finding a good corner to snooze with a bit of snore" he thought. Finally he decided he would go for a walk.

Known as one of the busiest airport terminals in the world, the place was buzzing. Though it was early in the morning, one could see passengers of different sizes and genders walking keenly to different corners of the terminal - making sure they have all their bags intact. One elderly old man was trying hard to keep pace with what seemed like his 10 year old grandson. A baby, on the other side, was desperately waiting for the morning quota of milk, while her mother was doing the routine of mixing milk powder and water, in the next seat. 

Having seen his wife Kavitha do these routines every day in the morning, he could understand how delicate the situation was. Babies, like managers only want results. They have their own deadlines and will create enough problems if things are not delivered on time!

Deep in this thought, he was walking ahead, when something caught his eye. At a distance, a young girl, in her twenties, was holding on to a heavy trolley, stuffed with suitcases. She seemed to be having a lot of difficulty in keeping them all from falling down. Dressed in proper winter wear, and a scarf to go with it, the young girl was of Indian origin. Bumping into Indians in foreign airports is nothing new in 2009 - he thought. The Indian had arrived on the world scene with the stupendous success of the IT firms some 'many years' ago!

There was something a bit familiar about this person, more than the normal. All of a sudden, it struck him like a lightning bolt. He knew this person!!

Straining his eyes, he tried to catch a proper glimpse of her face. With the scarf hiding it, it was a tough proposition, but he finally made it happen.  Was it Shruthi?!?!

Years seemed to rewind in seconds. The scene was changing.

Pondicherry, April 1995.

6:10 AM

The town was just about waking up, the odd dog barking down the lane. April is a horrible month in Pondicherry, only second in intensity to May. The Kathri Sun would literally come outside the homes and watch intently at what we were doing inside. Sweat, sweat and more sweat was the order of the day. Nights tend to be a bit better with dry winds, completing the equation.

Raghav was getting out of his home, on the main road. On his Kinetic Honda, he sped, as usual, like it was a F1 track. Luckily for the others, it was early in the morning and the roads were nearly deserted. 

The road to the Mathematics tuition class, was just about 5 mins away. Raghu always made it in 3. 

Parking it outside, he took the stairs to reach the class. It always started at 6:30. He was early and sat down at the last row. Unlike the early birds, he preferred the last seat, for unknown reasons. Looking around, he noticed that there were some girls seating across the class, in the last row. Little did he know, he would become very good friends with them, in the days to come.

Unlike in the movies, its hard to remember how the initial introductions are made. In the next 12 months or so, he would know the 4 of them very well. Cometh the 12th std exams, cometh the results. 

Life started spanning out into different directions. As is common with most 'school friend groups', it was time to move on to new places, meet new people and keep the past archived! All went in different directions and no formal communication channels existed.. for unknown reasons!

Raghav came to his senses again. Shruthi had just passed him at the airport terminal lounge. She hardly noticed him!

Before trying to stop her - he rewinded again in his thoughts.

It was nearly 15 years since they had first met. 15 years since they first spoke in that tuition class. How many new people would have come in her life, since then, she must be married too.. would she even remember the good old tuition mate? Would she take him seriously? Raghav had certain bad experiences earlier on with some of his college friends. One of them, who was really close to him - he had tracked her down to her home in California. After a brief phone call, she promised to mail him back. 

Yeah, that was more than 2 years now! - He thought. Would it be a repeat of that? Anyway, its worth a try - he muttered. 

Shruthi was now far ahead and was moving towards gate 50. 

Raghav had to act quick and smartly. He rushed towards her, while avoiding other passengers walking in the opposite direction. Finally, as he was nearly there, one of her bags fell down. As she stopped abruptly, Raghav was standing just behind her.. and bent down to pick it up for her. 

Shruthi was too keen to pick her stuff, she gave a simple glance at the stranger helping her. Raghav started the conversation - Hi!

The sudden glance turned into surprise and from nowhere - the face beamed with a smile. She managed to recognize him. With the bag restored to its original place in the trolley.. the conversation started - exactly where it stopped 15 years ago!

How are you? Fine - And you? Where have you been? - What a "Super" surprise?! Meeting in the middle of nowhere? - Laughter interspersed the words.

Shruthi seemed to have caught on with the word "Super". She used it more frequently than the verbs and nouns - surely this would disappoint her English teacher at school!

Having helped her go to Gate 50 and check-in her bags, Raghav took her to the nearest coffee shop at the terminal. Both of them, have seen umpteen people in their lives in the past 15 years, some close, some closer and others - in general. But there was something truly genuine between them, something which stood the test of time. Its called friendship -  the most ancient of gifts, given by King God Himself.

There are moments when you let someone take you for granted, pull your leg as you discuss your mistakes openly and voluntarily. This was just that - Raghav and Shruthi had a funny conversation of what happened, what did not, what should have and what could not!

With the multiple rounds of 'catch-up' conversations over, they walked back to the Gate 50. Shruthi's flight was to take off earlier. When she was leaving, she looked back at Raghav. Not a word was said, the silence was still and yet stirring. 

In a matter of a few minutes, someone had come from the past, knocked at the present and was leaving away again into the unknown future. How time plays with our emotions! - Raghav thought.

Emails were exchanged this time - not to repeat the mistakes 15 years hence. The link was re-inked.

This incident could have happened to several of you, reading this blog. While you could manage to retain the old friendships going with some of your schoolmates, years apart, there would surely be others who have moved on and do not have time for you anymore. Such is today's fast paced life with totally re-organized priorities.

And yeah, if you ever want to know how deep your friendship is - its not the words which are spoken - its those that aren't that matters. Silence - is the language of the eyes. The language of truth!

Bond to Billa!

The exertions of a 'well used to' lifestyle can be far-reaching when you step out of it. That was and is my feeling in the past few weeks. Having moved away from snowy London to the 'Land of the Hot Sun' - Chennai, the transformation is much bigger than what I had given it room for.

When you lose something, it doesnt just go away in a second, it slowly starts to fade away. Like the gentle water current carrying the lotus away, a metre an hour. Have got to a mode of 'forgetting' what happened in London - work/life and otherwise... memories come to me now and then.. but then they are on the decline.

A new city, new lifestyle, new role - thats called a 'package' of purpose. Much needs to be seen as to how I am going to come in terms with these alterations in my 'carbon foot print'. Atif Aslam has become my new soulmate singer. Having heard him first time with the 'Tere Bin' song, he has helped me go across different spheres of emotions - especially during this 'change over' phase. Enroute to office today - heard one of his songs on FM, and much has to be said about his influence on getting me to react and express my interflicting points of view in my own sphere of influence.

While this phase will go, for sure and I will get used to life in India, there are those faces and minds - with whom I have worked through issues - big and small - over the 1000 day era; faces with exceptional minds and even better comraderie. They will not be forgotten, not today, not ever. Honestly thats the edge of the sword piercing through me - as can be said - the edge is the one which makes the most impact. Life is always only as worth as the quality of the people with whom we spend it!!

My sun gods - though are in vicinity. Rahman and Rajni are all over the place - thanks to the power of the box called 'television' and its spouse - 'cable tv'. Not much unpacking has started as yet, and thats going to also take its toll - when artifacts of the previous 'era' are going to haunt their way through my memory cells, revitalising the moments which can be frozen for a lifetime.

'Bond to Billa' is the road taken - whether some U-turns are possible or it is strictly one-way, nobody is sure of it. Neither am I. (For the sake of the western audience - 'Billa' is the name of a RAJNI action movie; and Bond is ofcourse 007)

For now, the F-WORD is to 'Follow the flow'. Inspiringly enough, its not too rapid.

The botany of money.

Around half past seven, today evening, I am walking down the 'Green Mile'. The sincere rotating door lets me out of the office building, thinking that its just another day, another person. Well, my 'Dear Door', I can assure you its not.

12 hours earlier, I am sleeping not too well. Its probably the most significant day of my work in London. The last day. Reached office in the morning with a very different feeling inside me. The yellowish shade of the sun was quite the same as 'usual' - talking about which, the Northern line did get held up at more than one stop. 'Not too sure of how to approach this occasion' - my mind kept escalating to my heart. After all, I had to wait 3 years to get to this point. Made innumerable compromises interspersed with unimaginable regrets. Wasnt like I was moving a continent, I was moving it with my hands tied!

The day begins with the normal last day emails being flouted to my 'near and peer'. Much of my closer circle was acquainted with this news anyway. The 1000 day journey has helped me get closer to a lot of good souls, professionally and personally. This was the apt opportunity to remember them all and thank them for it. Lunch was special with one of my closest colleagues (also pronounced - 'friend').

Post lunch is pretty much when the amigos start sharing their adios in person. Met people whose retinas werent in my line of sight for over a year. Some of them atleast. Others spared a second to reminisce of the battles and wars fought together. Moments which when rewinded to, derive satisfaction of the highest order. Most challenges won, ofcourse. Others ended in a truce - due credit to the 'one enterprise' concept. This project is obviously one of the world's biggest and the stakeholders are the cream of the industry. Honestly, almost!

As the angle of the sunrays started tending to 30%, it was a fully operational routine of meeting up with my 'band of brothers' and a few ladies too. Seeing people take a moment for you; as a person, as a team mate, as a friend & speaking some wonderful words; my heart retorted back to my mind - 'thats genuine, the person's auricle confirms it'.

Started off on this road path, with nothing but a bag of dried leaves, leaves of experience. An open mind and a little understanding of photosynthesis, helped sprout and root many seeds of 'steady progress'. As the vines of challenges became stronger, strangling the trunk; out came a branch with each tighter grasp; aptly titled 'route to the fruit'. Such is botany, the funda of our work lives. (Not much is said of the caterpillars and insects which preyed, they come under Zoology!!)

Work-Life balance is often spoken about, not realising that work is a branch of life. Its the branch which bears the key fruits - rupee, dollar, pound - many distinct botanic species. The satanic part of it is where the work ends and a small part remains for 'family'. The part which helps nourish the trunk.

'Dear Door', which I passed through, for the last time today; had missed the biology classes, at the carpenters'. That explains why it didnt swing a bit slower for me, just this once, just this day.
That extra second, to relish and rejoice, the journey I have completed to the point of wishful 'no return'. Shouldnt we have some 'slow-motion' days, days when every second gets a bonus 'second', every word echoes a bit longer in your ears, every tear takes more time to reach the floor??!

Will surely miss my co-plants in this jungle. The jungle by the river. And that Ladies and gentlemen, is a "plant's memory". After all, this is the botany of money, we are talking about.

The botany of money.

Playing God!

Not a day goes by when we dont think/thank/curse or blame God. If anything by that description exists, is a totally different perspective. The fact is that we do include and embrace this concept as if it were an extension of our day-to-day life. Life, in its truest manifest is really a miracle, no one denies - but to 'offshore' its success to a '3rd Party' source called 'God' isnt 100% fair. It wasnt fair during the days of the Harappa culture, nor it is in our current 'nuclear' landscape.

Nothing of this thought was in my mind when we went out to have fun at the pottery class in Merton Abbey. The one hour journey it was, it revealed a lot more than just pots and pans. It all starts with a piece of 'clay' - something which we can easily ignore if found in a dirty road corner. How often have we seen this in odd places, never to even consider it worth thinking about!!!

When this totally irrelevant and insignificant thing was placed in the centre of a wheel - even then nothing major was different about it. Start the motor and then - lo' behold - you are creating 'something' out of 'perceived nothing'. The first few moments would be dealt in creating a solid base and then you go about expanding your dreams and thats creativity at its finesse.

Its only a matter of time when the right composition of 'water','clay' 'circular motion' and most importantly - 'your intent' helps create a totally valuable thing. Its as good as bringing something to life. Initiating life, is how I would term it. Once this blueprint is done, its time to take it off and then let it dry and settle. The shine would be applied over this piece in a matter of a few days. Thats when it takes one of its many positions in someone's world as 'my nanny's favorite tea set' or 'my doggy's food plate', as the case maybe. Thats light years from where it all started!

My wife created a very good bowl, but when she was trying to take it off the wheel, probably a minor dent was made to the outer surface. She was very specific about it as she knew it had happened. To me, it was invisible as the ether that surrounds us. I never saw it. To clarify, even if I did manage to see it, I wouldnt have thought of it from an 'imperfection' perspective.

'Zoom out a bit' and look at each human as starting off as that piece of clay. The right amount of 'ingredients' are put to create his core constituent - soul - and the next steps are to expand laterally into other spheres of 'individual personality'. No two humans are the same, neither are two bowls. All of us have some imperfections, caused intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes these 'not good enough' qualities in us might not be looked at, in the same way, by others.

Irrespective of what we have in us as 'pre-paid', we can always 'top-up' our lives, by finding ourselves different situations, in which we best-apply the 'messages' of 'our mobile life' - making the experience worth it to others. Even the material world we live in, tells us this simple thing all the time. The Karmic life was always preaching this even before the wheel started spinning.

The wheel of God!

Every aspect of why we are, has a reason and cant be changed. But nothing of what we can be, has a cut-off limit. The eagle never touched the sky and never will! The waves never got tired of 'reaching out' to the shore. Simple things in nature reveal the power within. Understand this and move on to make your dream and all the while, reach out to as many people as possible and touch their lives for the better. In simpler words, start 'playing God'.

If you play it seriously enough, this is probably the one game which wont just end...not today...not tomorrow!!!

The Karnan checkmate!

A lot of times, we tend to identify who our friends are, by the way they interact with us. Friendship is literally the most common opportunity of a 'mind' to connect to another. That extra thought, that extra smile, that little help to show that he/she cares is all that makes friendship tick. Its not everyday that life goes through an up and down. People who tend to stick with you when they are up will not necessarily be the same crowd who will stick with you when the chips are down.

Now thats a fact and thats a fact underlined!

In today's fast paced world, expecting someone to help you, at times of need is a difficult proposition. Only the rarest of rare characters, out of the many lot, who would be with you in a moment of joy, will stand by you. There is this story of Karna - the mythological character in Mahabharat, who tends to express this point of view very well and till his death. Standing by Duryodhana through the thick times and thin, Karna epitomises the 'gratitude' and promise owed to one's friend. He is arguably a more powerful role model than the Pandavas, because his conviction and his character was tested more than them.

O' Maula Mere, where is my Karna. I only need one such person and I can overcome anything in this world, my heart felt through the last few days! Tough situations always tend to bring out the tougher person in me. And I am glad that this time, it also helped re-define my Karna'n sensex in the share market of 'friendship'. I am no Duryodhana, ofcourse! But I am sure, everyone of us would like to have that one person who will always be there for us when we need help.

Luckily in my case, most of the people whom I could turn to, were really true and helped me with a lot of advice and insight. All is not lost. All, except a few, whose locus has been plotted permanently outside my 'dosti' rekha....! How did I feel? Well, you know by instinct who is genuine and who isnt. I would really say, our heart felt feelings always need to be crosschecked with the 'mind' man inside us. Most often the latter would tell a few point blank truths.

Respect is certainly a 'two-way highway'. One must complete the circuit both ways within one's lifetime. 'Necessity' bound characters will always be around us, trying to exploit and use our resources for their needs. Identify such weeds and help save the farm from a poor harvest.

In this life of chess, everyone around us is either black or white. Identifying what colour they are will only become clear when its time to 'check'. Thats the moment of reckoning. Thats when you will feel yourself saying - "the Karnan checkmate!"

Rare words for a rare occasion.

The DNA of Internet Friendship!

As I type, I am sitting in one of the many hotels in Singapore, in the cornermost room of the top floor. There is absolutely no one I have spoken to today using my vocal chords, except some work colleagues on my work assignment and the person at the restaurant I had lunch. But I have been in touch with a lot of people around the world and equally in the opposite direction.

Internet being the backbone, but GTalk and Yahoo Messengers have changed forever the way we behave and live. Now a days, its no longer the 'lets go for a walk..' syndrome of friendship. Life's dearer relationship has been reduced to a couple of lines here and there, some offline too.

Racing against timezones, and adapting to different work cultures and expectations has taken a lot out of our personal space and its going to be even worse in the coming years. The aspect of establishing a friendship circle spanning the globe is really a challenge and something which not too many ppl can claim success at. Seeing a person tete-en-tete and chatting to him/her are two contrasting ball games and internet and its magic tools cant get friendship any closer or make it more natural.

IT professionals especially, working in the odd places, odd enough to be alone, have to bear the brunt of the loneliness which surrounds them. Its a bit of luck to always have company to go places with. For me, I have always been happy to be alone. I realise that it gives me a lot of time to waste, but also the time to think back at things I want to improve upon. It gives me the room (literally speaking - a big one) to assess what mistakes I am making...!

Sitting in California, one of my good college friends has no time to reply back to my email. Obviously one cant feel disappointed in such a situation. Such is life. Out of Sight, Out of Mind is truly the truth. But its also interesting that chatting can make two strangers get along very well in very little time. I have to say, I did get to chat with some of my college friends, with whom I have never spoken anything friendly during our 4 years together, with the help of internet - we are quite able to converse and exchange ideas too!

Is internet and our new way of life, therefore, all about reaching to new people while our existing bank of friends get eroded silently. Is this all that is left for this generation to yearn for? Sites like Orkut have indeed brought together a platform to keep each other informed, but it does seem that gone are those days when one used to go out with all our friends in that remote place called pondicherry/pilani. Those times seem utopian indeed.

With every day that has passed, we all have missed saying a lot of things to each other, some good, some bad, but most importantly all 'timely'. Most of us are living a zone which only underlines the power of ONE or if you have a family, the strength of TWO.

Friends will come and go, but friendship stays - was the old saying.
Friendship will come and go, though friends wont - is probably the new mantra.